This book review was written by Eugene Kernes
“Regardless of whether it’s on the sporting field, in the classroom, or in the boardroom, strength and resilience don’t come from blindly powering through adversity or pretending that punishing ourselves yields results. Instead, real toughness is experiencing discomfort or distress, leaning in, paying attention, and creating space to take thoughtful action. It’s maintaining a clear head to be able to make the appropriate decision. Toughness is navigating discomfort to make the best decision you can. And research shows that this model of toughness is more effective at getting results than the old one.” – Steve Magness, Chapter 1: From Tough Coaches, Tough Parents, and Tough Guys to Finding Real Inner Strength, Pages 14-15
“Real toughness is about providing the tool set to handle adversity. It’s teaching. Fake toughness creates fragility, responding out of fear, suppressing what we feel, and attempting to press onward no matter the situation or demands. Real toughness pushes us to work with our body and mind instead of against them. To face the reality of the situation and what we can do about it, to use feedback as information to guide us, to accept the emotions and thoughts that come into play, and to develop a flexible array of ways to respond to a challenge. Toughness is having the space to make the right choice under discomfort.” – Steve Magness, Chapter 1: From Tough Coaches, Tough Parents, and Tough Guys to Finding Real Inner Strength, Page 17
“False confidence helps in situations where we largely don’t
need an extra boost. Faking it works on
easy tasks, where the challenge is low and a bit of extra motivation is needed
to get you started. In the workplace,
research shows false confidence can fool those who are uninformed on a subject,
but those with even a moderate understanding of the topic will sniff out your
lack of acumen. In situations that
demand toughness, false confidence largely fails. Outer confidence is fragile, falling away
when pressure or uncertainty arises. A
secure inner confidence is robust. While
we envision tough competitors and executives as having an unshakable belief in
themselves, the reality is that the best way to be prepared for a challenge
isn’t bravado but tragic optimism, a sense of reality in the short run but hope
over the long haul.” – Steve Magness, Chapter 4: True Confidence Is Quiet;
Insecurity Is Loud, Page 68
Is This An Overview?
Being tough is culturally perceived by a lack of fear,
emotions, and vulnerabilities. Being
tough means being callous. Creating a
variety of toxic behaviors that were excused for being portrayed as what tough
people do. Cruel training methods were
used to develop this version of toughness, but had negative consequences. Rather than build toughness, the cruel
training methods sorted those who were or were not tough, but they failed at
sorting. Those who left did tough
activities while those who stayed became more physically and mentally
fragile. Cruel training methods taught
people to respond to external motivation of fear and power, to avoid being
punished.
The perceived toughness is fragile, for the individuals tend
to lose their emotional control, confuse power for respect, and take their
frustrations and insecurities out on others rather than deal with their
frustrations. Real toughness is about
having equanimity when facing adversity.
Real toughness is being able endure adversity with thoughtful action,
rather than blindly powering through the adversity. Those who are really tough keep their focus,
embrace challenges, recover from errors, persevere, and are intrinsically
motivated. They use their emotions for
feedback to guide behavior, as feelings provide valuable information to make
better decisions. They set appropriate
expectations about their capacity to cope with a challenge, by embracing
reality rather than being deluded by false confidence.
Caveats?
This book is filled with examples of
the various types of toughness, and methods to develop toughness. Interest in the examples depends on the
reader.
